I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Shame - the story of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
