i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
