there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
