You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
