Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A+ Viking dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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