guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
