I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
