and you said cock pushups were impossible
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
