i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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