they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
