You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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