Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
