I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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