Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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