just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
