I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
