My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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