she woke up with a sticky ear
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
