just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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