oh god the rape fog is back!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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