I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.