alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
