I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think a kid would responsible me up
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.