I met the friendliest cop last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already