Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.