Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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