I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
