fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize