just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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