She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
