4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
