Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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