My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
