Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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