i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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