i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
