you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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