Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ok first of all what the fuck
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
