I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize