I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
