they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
