We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
