Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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