I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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