I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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