We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
