I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.