Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

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  (406): also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome) http://tfl.nu/u3lw
  Replies (7) Good night (684) Bad night (2134)
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  (516): View more from New York

  is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?

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  (516): is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon? http://tfl.nu/8edy
  Replies (45) Good night (5688) Bad night (774)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes

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  (610): I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes http://tfl.nu/8prz
  Replies (27) Good night (4455) Bad night (869)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

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  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (46) Good night (10405) Bad night (1562)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (7479) Bad night (1134)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.

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  (803): i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to. http://tfl.nu/ojj7
  Replies (10) Good night (930) Bad night (4149)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?

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  (361): Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home? http://tfl.nu/3vxh
  Replies (2) Good night (2552) Bad night (899)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.

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  (937): Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault. http://tfl.nu/6aqr
  Replies (11) Good night (2540) Bad night (1725)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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  (903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1
  Replies (19) Good night (3403) Bad night (1093)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH

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  (630): IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH http://tfl.nu/xsxl
  Replies (3) Good night (1687) Bad night (658)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.

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  (712): You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you. http://tfl.nu/5ard
  Replies (3) Good night (1514) Bad night (702)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.

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  (901): She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/lor2
  Replies (3) Good night (1164) Bad night (596)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Hows the party lookin?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party

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  (608): Hows the party lookin? (414): At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party http://tfl.nu/v0wb
  Replies (3) Good night (1149) Bad night (403)
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  (661): View more from California

  She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."

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  (661): She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice." http://tfl.nu/9aos
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (576)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.

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  (212): Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like. http://tfl.nu/bad7
  Replies (0) Good night (116) Bad night (229)

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