He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.