bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck