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we're blogging at a bar
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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