We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
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Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos