I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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