I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
