well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
