...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
