I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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