so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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