Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
