He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
