dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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