So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
