I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
