yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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