you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize