You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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