I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
