I wish I only lived at night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
