I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
