I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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