There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
