you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
