I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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