Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
