Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
