i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
