his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
