We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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