I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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